Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[MetalJunkie]

Welp... My friend and I had the talk about a month ago on the ride back from a concert. We're not currently in a relationship. Not a romantic one, anyway.

I poured everything out. I told her I've never had feelings like this for *anyone*. I went in depth, was completely transparent, and she was very receptive.

Going into the conversation, I knew that she's not at a point in her life where she can take on a new relationship - for a host of reasons that I won't elaborate on. But we talked about feelings, and she held my hand after I started to really 'emote' through the conversation. She also said she would be lying if she said she didn't have some kind of feelings. We talked a bit more as we pulled into her driveway, we hugged, and then I went back home. That was on a Friday night, and our normal hangout day, or "Timnesdays," as we call them, is every Thursday.

So we hung out again on Thursday, and we talked a bit more. She told me she was a little afraid, because a few guys have had that conversation with her before, and they either angrily left or drifted apart over time. She said she trusted me, but that fear was still in the back of her mind. I told her that I wasn't going anywhere, and it became important to me to prove that to her.

Last night we went out to get food and I asked if she still had that fear, and she said not in the slightest. The first time we hung out after the conversation, she realized we're still "us," and hasn't had so much as an intrusive thought.

So we're good. We're really good. In fact, at the end of next month we're going out of state for just over half a week to hit up the Texas Ren Faire.

[cramx3]

      

[lordxizor]

Welp... My friend and I had the talk about a month ago on the ride back from a concert. We're not currently in a relationship. Not a romantic one, anyway.

I poured everything out. I told her I've never had feelings like this for *anyone*. I went in depth, was completely transparent, and she was very receptive.

Going into the conversation, I knew that she's not at a point in her life where she can take on a new relationship - for a host of reasons that I won't elaborate on. But we talked about feelings, and she held my hand after I started to really 'emote' through the conversation. She also said she would be lying if she said she didn't have some kind of feelings. We talked a bit more as we pulled into her driveway, we hugged, and then I went back home. That was on a Friday night, and our normal hangout day, or "Timnesdays," as we call them, is every Thursday.

So we hung out again on Thursday, and we talked a bit more. She told me she was a little afraid, because a few guys have had that conversation with her before, and they either angrily left or drifted apart over time. She said she trusted me, but that fear was still in the back of her mind. I told her that I wasn't going anywhere, and it became important to me to prove that to her.

Last night we went out to get food and I asked if she still had that fear, and she said not in the slightest. The first time we hung out after the conversation, she realized we're still "us," and hasn't had so much as an intrusive thought.

So we're good. We're really good. In fact, at the end of next month we're going out of state for just over half a week to hit up the Texas Ren Faire.

Congrats on having the conversation! So she kinda feels the same way, but nothing's going to change? That's kind of a bummer. Or do you view this as taking a step in a relationship direction when she's in a better place?

[TheHoveringSojourn808]

Sounds like you really handled it in a very mature and healthy way, kudos! Hope you guys continue to have the kind of special connection (romantic or not) that satisfies both of y'all

[jingle.boy]

Very cool for you Tim. Sounds like there's still a possibility of a romantic connection in the future.  Reading your post, I can't help but think that she clearly seems (to me) to have some abandonment issues (I know them all too well... a little bit personally, but big time from mrs.jingle).  If so, you sticking around no matter what will be a big fuckin deal for her.

[MetalJunkie]

Congrats on having the conversation! So she kinda feels the same way, but nothing's going to change? That's kind of a bummer. Or do you view this as taking a step in a relationship direction when she's in a better place?

Now that I have some more free time I'll elaborate.

I don't really see us having an opportunity for a partnership in the future.

One of the reasons I initially opted not to go into it is because of the stigma around the lifestyle. She's poly, and so am I (or I would be if I could even find one relationship...) I'll admit that when I was first introduced to the concept, I was skeptical and thought it was a justification for people to 'cheat' and justify it - though I eventually learned that wasn't the case. But I digress...

I went into the conversation without the expectation of entering into a relationship. She currently lives with two partners and has been a partnership with both of them for several years. I'm also good friends with both of them (and run a D&D campaign for them).

When we had the conversation, one of the things that she touched on and said was, "it would be unethical and irresponsible for me to take on a new relationship when I'm already an absent girlfriend for two partners," referring to how insanely busy her life is and how time and relationship management is already a monumental task for her.

So the long and short of it is that because I care for her so deeply, I want to be where she needs to be and fill the role that she needs me to fill. Right now that's being her best friend, and I'm 100% grateful to be that for her.