Lonely Hearts Club Thread v. The Strong Grip

[Chino]

Women are magical creatures. One minute they're testing their gag reflex, the next minute they just want to be friends.

I just lost it in my cube at work 

[SystematicThought]

The girl at work that I like gave me a Christmas gift. I gave her one a week before Christmas (a 12 pack of Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, a rare one that is impossible to find here in Minnesota). I've never seen her smile like she did when I gave her the 12 pack. It was a great moment.

Last night when we were walking out of work together, she told me she had something for me. I really wasn't expecting to get anything back from her. She handed me a gift bag that had some weight to it. Since she hates opening gifts in front of people and vice versa, she told me not to open it in front of her. We talked for a few more minutes and eventually left--mind you it was about 8 degrees out  so I was just happy to talk to her for five extra minutes.

The gift was awesome--she said it wasn't as thoughtful as what I got her, but I disagree. To an outsider, it's just a bunch of things thrown in a bag, but each one has a story that runs throughout the year.
2 24 oz bottles of Dr. Pepper--she knows its my favorite soda.
2 cans of Lacroix Cherry Lime Water-- I bought her a can back in October. We both hate most Lacroix water flavors, but when I gave her one she loved it and I said that it was one my favorite flavored waters.
A bag of Sour Patch Kids-- We were talking a few weeks back about candy canes and I said that they need to make Sour Patch Kids Candy Canes, its one of my favorite candies. Lo and behold, I found that they do actually make SPK candy canes.
Wax Bottle Candies--I had mentioned back in June or July that I love these
Mike & Ike Italian Ice Flavors--Our store had these on order for the summer, but we never got our shipment. She knew I was disappointed that we never got them.
Reese's Christmas Tree--She knows I love Reese's peanut butter cups.

The thought that went into the gift was amazing to me and that she remembered some of this stuff blew me away. She's amazing. It was sweet of her and it just added to the reasons why I like her. And we are grabbing dinner together hopefully sometime in January. I think things are looking up here in this situation--I can't help but feel after the gift exchange that there definitely has to be mutual feelings between us.

[Stadler]

The thought that went into the gift was amazing to me and that she remembered some of this stuff blew me away. She's amazing. It was sweet of her and it just added to the reasons why I like her. And we are grabbing dinner together hopefully sometime in January. I think things are looking up here in this situation--I can't help but feel after the gift exchange that there definitely has to be mutual feelings between us.

Dude, I'm usually the one saying "cool your jets; sometimes a random act of kindness is just that, random", but I think you hit the nail on the head.  A LOT of thought went into that gift, and in my humble experience, that isn't something people just do anymore without some incentive.

Good luck to you.   

[JayOctavarium]

The last few months have been hell.


No idea what the hell is going on.

I feel like we kinda are together. Yet... when it comes down to  it, I get told NO we aren't. It's a slap in the face.

[cramx3]

My trip to Boston was awesome. The girl who I had only met 2 times previously was a ton of fun. We get along real well and did lots of touristy things for the two days and also had our fun. My only problem is was put in touch with another girl who I just met who I may like more now.

[JayOctavarium]

[JayOctavarium]

Ok. So... We aren't together but are / will be doing the roommate thing. I'm working on distracting myself.


I've been working for a month to accept this. And as soon as I start to, my car dies. Ive been trying to look on the positive side of everything... But it's tough.


I have been reminded though that apparently a girl that was obsessed with me in high school still is and wants to hook up. Problem is she's in Seattle... And she's kinda intensely psycho at times. There's a reason I never hooked up with her back then. Haha


So I guess there's still hope

[SystematicThought]

Dude, I'm usually the one saying "cool your jets; sometimes a random act of kindness is just that, random", but I think you hit the nail on the head.  A LOT of thought went into that gift, and in my humble experience, that isn't something people just do anymore without some incentive.

Good luck to you.

She told me it was a lucky guess on the Italian Ice Mike & Ike's. She said she saw them at Cub Foods and thought they looked interesting--but everything else was right.

Her and I had one of our off days yesterday though, I hate when those happen. She was kinda moody all day and we didn't really laugh or talk much which was abnormal since we usually do at work. Stadler, I think you're relatively new to my story, but do you think an age gap of 20 years old and 29 years old is something to do a double take at?

[puppyonacid]

.

[Stadler]

Dude, I'm usually the one saying "cool your jets; sometimes a random act of kindness is just that, random", but I think you hit the nail on the head.  A LOT of thought went into that gift, and in my humble experience, that isn't something people just do anymore without some incentive.

Good luck to you.

She told me it was a lucky guess on the Italian Ice Mike & Ike's. She said she saw them at Cub Foods and thought they looked interesting--but everything else was right.

Her and I had one of our off days yesterday though, I hate when those happen. She was kinda moody all day and we didn't really laugh or talk much which was abnormal since we usually do at work. Stadler, I think you're relatively new to my story, but do you think an age gap of 20 years old and 29 years old is something to do a double take at?

Fair question, but honestly, I would say no, IF you both are out of school (or at least almost done), though you're right at the edge, because one of you is legal and one of you is not.  I'm older than you, but I'm dating someone who is seven years younger, and it is not an issue at all.  I mean, not even 0.0001%. 

To me, it is about mindset and being honest with yourself and her:  do you share experience and focusing on the things you have in common, or do you focus on the things you don't?   If you (or her) are the type to do the latter, it may catch up to you.   When I got divorced (about two years ago) initially I put no limits (other than legal ones) on who I would date.  The youngest was about 26 (19 years difference) and the oldest was about 55 (10 years difference) and though both of those lasted all of one date each, neither ended because of age.  The "sweet spot" for me turned out to be about 6-8 years younger than me, and it literally has not been an issue one bit.   It's like anything else:  it gets to be a problem only when it gets to be a problem, if that makes sense. 

[cramx3]

I think the older you get the age gap matters less.

My 29 year old buddy was dating a 20 year old.  He loved it because he didnt have to spend money on her at the bar.  So thats a positive.

[SystematicThought]

I turn 21 in March, so that's almost not an issue. One of the reasons why I started liking her was that we had a lot in common and could talk about things very easily. Conversation came easily and we got along. She was very open about her family with me and she introduced me to her sister back in July when she came into our store (which didn't mean anything, she didn't remember me the next time she came into the store or at least not my name). I've just found her to be a great person to be around. When my mom was in the hospital with heart failure and a quadruple bypass last month, she was a rock for me and someone I could go and talk to when I was having difficulty in that situation.

[Prog Snob]

Back to the dating board.  I never thought I'd have to deal with this again.  So I joined OKCupid, or should I say rejoined.

[JayOctavarium]

LOL K Cupid.


The only activity I had on it in months was a friend from high school hitting me up with a "Don't I know you?"


And then we continued a convo on facebook that fizzled out a few months ago about a new job of hers.

[Prog Snob]

I've met a few people from there but for the most part it's been nothing but fail.

[cramx3]

My friend had anal sex on a first date with a girl from okcupid. I'll be seeing the girl I met on that site tonight, taking her to a ska concert reel big fish and less than Jake although I'm kind of sick.

[Stadler]

My friend had anal sex on a first date with a girl from okcupid.

There's something both awesome and awful about that.    

I'll be seeing the girl I met on that site tonight, taking her to a ska concert reel big fish and less than Jake although I'm kind of sick.

Now, imagine the story if you get anal sex at the less than jake show.   Something to shoot for!

[Prog Snob]

My friend had anal sex on a first date with a girl from okcupid. I'll be seeing the girl I met on that site tonight, taking her to a ska concert reel big fish and less than Jake although I'm kind of sick.

I had sex on a first date with a girl from that site, too.  The next girl I dated was a prude though so it always depends.

[rumborak]

I've been on one too where the girl said she wasn't gonna consider a second date unless she checked the goods. I went along with it, but it clearly wasn't going to be a long-term thing.

[Prog Snob]

I've been on one too where the girl said she wasn't gonna consider a second date unless she checked the goods. I went along with it, but it clearly wasn't going to be a long-term thing.

She didn't like the merchandise?

[Stadler]

My experience with Match isn't terribly different, but I think I'm talking about a little older demographic, so that might have something to do with it.

[Prog Snob]

My experience with Match isn't terribly different, but I think I'm talking about a little older demographic, so that might have something to do with it.

Basically.  I've noticed it to be the same way.  Though I had worse luck on Match.

[Stadler]

My experience with Match isn't terribly different, but I think I'm talking about a little older demographic, so that might have something to do with it.

Basically.  I've noticed it to be the same way.  Though I had worse luck on Match.

I've not tried OKCupid, but I know on Match, there were a fair number of women that thought it's all going to play out like on "Twilight" or something, which (and I apologize in advance) explains why they are still single at that point in their lives, and just as many that figure "YOLO", and acknowledge the cutesy, coy back and forth that is so cool at 19 is not so cool when 45 and you both know where it's going to end anyway, so might as well cut to the chase and enjoy that third glass of wine.    

[cramx3]

So I ended my "relationship" if you call it that with this one girl.  We had only met up 3 times and while I enjoyed those three times and I know she did too, she was getting a bit too clingy for me.  She clearly stated many times she didnt want a relationship which was fine with me as I told her, but she got really mad when she found out I had Tinder installed on my phone which almost set me to just end it right there, but she apologized and we got over it.  So I had just gotten home from Germany and found out I had to put my kitten to sleep before I could even unpack my bags (long story, but regardless I was not really interested in having normal conversation that day due to my mental time clock being off and the grievance of having to put my kitten to sleep).  We were texting and I told her flat out I was kind of out of it and not in the mood to really talk and that I had also planned on taking a nap.  When I woke up, I found she sent me a couple texts complaining about the fact that she talked to me a lot while I was away but when I got home I didnt want to talk.  I got so pissed off that I told her I didnt want to continue anymore.  That lead her to go nuts sending me around 50 text messages over the next 24 hours, as well as facebook chatting, calling me, calling me from a different number, and calling me a loser for not finishing our game of Trivia Crack. 

So a few days had gone passed and now that my emotions are a little more in line and my head is in a better spot, I've been wondering if I was too quick to end that and clearly break this girls heart, or if what I did was ok?  I felt like I was very nice in the way I told her how I felt, but maybe I was just way to emotional at that point.  I kind of felt the Tinder thing was stupid, but when the whole why arent you talking to me when I had already told her really just seemed like too much from a girl who I am not serious with and we both agreed to not be serious.

[Prog Snob]

My experience with Match isn't terribly different, but I think I'm talking about a little older demographic, so that might have something to do with it.

Basically.  I've noticed it to be the same way.  Though I had worse luck on Match.

I've not tried OKCupid, but I know on Match, there were a fair number of women that thought it's all going to play out like on "Twilight" or something, which (and I apologize in advance) explains why they are still single at that point in their lives, and just as many that figure "YOLO", and acknowledge the cutesy, coy back and forth that is so cool at 19 is not so cool when 45 and you both know where it's going to end anyway, so might as well cut to the chase and enjoy that third glass of wine.    

I'm not familiar with how Twilight went so your analogy escapes me but I still think I understand what you're saying.

Two women actually messaged me back on OKCupid today.  One lives only about 10 minutes from me and is a total metalhead plus she's extremely intelligent. Being that I'm a sapiosexual, that is important to me.

[Stadler]

So I ended my "relationship" if you call it that with this one girl.  We had only met up 3 times and while I enjoyed those three times and I know she did too, she was getting a bit too clingy for me.  She clearly stated many times she didnt want a relationship which was fine with me as I told her, but she got really mad when she found out I had Tinder installed on my phone which almost set me to just end it right there, but she apologized and we got over it.  So I had just gotten home from Germany and found out I had to put my kitten to sleep before I could even unpack my bags (long story, but regardless I was not really interested in having normal conversation that day due to my mental time clock being off and the grievance of having to put my kitten to sleep).  We were texting and I told her flat out I was kind of out of it and not in the mood to really talk and that I had also planned on taking a nap.  When I woke up, I found she sent me a couple texts complaining about the fact that she talked to me a lot while I was away but when I got home I didnt want to talk.  I got so pissed off that I told her I didnt want to continue anymore.  That lead her to go nuts sending me around 50 text messages over the next 24 hours, as well as facebook chatting, calling me, calling me from a different number, and calling me a loser for not finishing our game of Trivia Crack. 

So a few days had gone passed and now that my emotions are a little more in line and my head is in a better spot, I've been wondering if I was too quick to end that and clearly break this girls heart, or if what I did was ok?  I felt like I was very nice in the way I told her how I felt, but maybe I was just way to emotional at that point.  I kind of felt the Tinder thing was stupid, but when the whole why arent you talking to me when I had already told her really just seemed like too much from a girl who I am not serious with and we both agreed to not be serious.

Could be just me, and there are of course exceptions (the "50 messages from multiple, some incognito, sources" might be one) but I generally let day to day things happen twice before I pull the plug.   Again, there are exceptions (catching her in bed with the postman - assuming the postman isn't 24, female and smokin' - would probably be a zero tolerance offence), but you were in a mood when you came home; most everything she did can be explained by a mood too.  Why do you get to have moods and she doesn't?  Kinda sounds unrealistic.   

[cramx3]

So I ended my "relationship" if you call it that with this one girl.  We had only met up 3 times and while I enjoyed those three times and I know she did too, she was getting a bit too clingy for me.  She clearly stated many times she didnt want a relationship which was fine with me as I told her, but she got really mad when she found out I had Tinder installed on my phone which almost set me to just end it right there, but she apologized and we got over it.  So I had just gotten home from Germany and found out I had to put my kitten to sleep before I could even unpack my bags (long story, but regardless I was not really interested in having normal conversation that day due to my mental time clock being off and the grievance of having to put my kitten to sleep).  We were texting and I told her flat out I was kind of out of it and not in the mood to really talk and that I had also planned on taking a nap.  When I woke up, I found she sent me a couple texts complaining about the fact that she talked to me a lot while I was away but when I got home I didnt want to talk.  I got so pissed off that I told her I didnt want to continue anymore.  That lead her to go nuts sending me around 50 text messages over the next 24 hours, as well as facebook chatting, calling me, calling me from a different number, and calling me a loser for not finishing our game of Trivia Crack. 

So a few days had gone passed and now that my emotions are a little more in line and my head is in a better spot, I've been wondering if I was too quick to end that and clearly break this girls heart, or if what I did was ok?  I felt like I was very nice in the way I told her how I felt, but maybe I was just way to emotional at that point.  I kind of felt the Tinder thing was stupid, but when the whole why arent you talking to me when I had already told her really just seemed like too much from a girl who I am not serious with and we both agreed to not be serious.

Could be just me, and there are of course exceptions (the "50 messages from multiple, some incognito, sources" might be one) but I generally let day to day things happen twice before I pull the plug.   Again, there are exceptions (catching her in bed with the postman - assuming the postman isn't 24, female and smokin' - would probably be a zero tolerance offence), but you were in a mood when you came home; most everything she did can be explained by a mood too.  Why do you get to have moods and she doesn't?  Kinda sounds unrealistic.   

No doubt I was in a funk and I clearly told her that.  Of course she is allowed to have moods to, but making a comment that Im not giving her enough of my attention isn't really a mood, but more of a really poorly timed comment.  I totally think it's possible and likely I over reacted in my own response, which is why I threw it out here.  You say you give 2 shots, to me that was the second shot with the first being her going nuts over having tinder installed on my phone (which I also explained to her I wasn't even using).  Bottom line, after coming out of my funk I do feel bad about just ending whatever we had so abruptly, but I have not ended a FWB type of scenario before so even if I didnt react so quickly, I most likely would have had to end this sooner than later anyway because she was giving me a lot of signs of a personality that I would conflict with.

[JayOctavarium]

[Prog Snob]

 

[Stadler]

No doubt I was in a funk and I clearly told her that.  Of course she is allowed to have moods to, but making a comment that Im not giving her enough of my attention isn't really a mood, but more of a really poorly timed comment.  I totally think it's possible and likely I over reacted in my own response, which is why I threw it out here.  You say you give 2 shots, to me that was the second shot with the first being her going nuts over having tinder installed on my phone (which I also explained to her I wasn't even using).  Bottom line, after coming out of my funk I do feel bad about just ending whatever we had so abruptly, but I have not ended a FWB type of scenario before so even if I didnt react so quickly, I most likely would have had to end this sooner than later anyway because she was giving me a lot of signs of a personality that I would conflict with.

Well, you undoubtedly know better (and I mean that sincerely).   I can only go on what you type, and you have the full range of inputs.   I know for me, I'm sort of lucky, because there is rarely that kind of doubt.  Not because I'm better than you, but because it's just how my brain works.  It's not that I don't prefer certain things, but it seems like my brain goes "tolerate, tolerate, tolerate, tolerate, tolerate... DONE", and at that point it's almost not even a choice.   Does that make sense? 

[cramx3]

No doubt I was in a funk and I clearly told her that.  Of course she is allowed to have moods to, but making a comment that Im not giving her enough of my attention isn't really a mood, but more of a really poorly timed comment.  I totally think it's possible and likely I over reacted in my own response, which is why I threw it out here.  You say you give 2 shots, to me that was the second shot with the first being her going nuts over having tinder installed on my phone (which I also explained to her I wasn't even using).  Bottom line, after coming out of my funk I do feel bad about just ending whatever we had so abruptly, but I have not ended a FWB type of scenario before so even if I didnt react so quickly, I most likely would have had to end this sooner than later anyway because she was giving me a lot of signs of a personality that I would conflict with.

Well, you undoubtedly know better (and I mean that sincerely).   I can only go on what you type, and you have the full range of inputs.   I know for me, I'm sort of lucky, because there is rarely that kind of doubt.  Not because I'm better than you, but because it's just how my brain works.  It's not that I don't prefer certain things, but it seems like my brain goes "tolerate, tolerate, tolerate, tolerate, tolerate... DONE", and at that point it's almost not even a choice.   Does that make sense?

Definitely and that was kind of how I felt when this happened, just after my head cooled and had a few days pass I was no longer so sure if my reaction was overblown or not.  Regardless, her reaction to my reaction was ridiculous.  I had her number blocked from sending me alerts so that my phone would stop buzzing and I realized yesterday that she is still texting me calling me an asshole lol.

[HarlequinForest]

I definitely belong in this club. I've been actively/obsessively searching for a woman the past year because I hate dating around. I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a month. I have no problem getting dates/laid, but I just can't get women to stick around. I've been on around 30 dates/hangouts (all from OKC/POF/Tinder) since last May, banged just over half of them, but can't get any to stick around for more than 3-5 dates. I thought maybe my sexual approach to chatting with girls online was just attracting promiscuous women who are afraid of monogamy, but I've tried more friendly approaches and the result is the same. I think part of the problem is just the online dating culture in general; girls are just more picky online because they have so many option at their fingertips at all times. I guess the obvious answer could be that it's just me, but I really don't believe that's true in most of these cases. Ugh, guess I'll try the ole real world, which is hard because I don't have a social circle, go to school, and work with nothing but guys.

[SystematicThought]

So I got some chocolate for the girl at work to give to her on Valentine's Day (or the day after, since that's when we work together) The only thing I'm nervous about is that maybe it carries more weight then when I gave her a birthday present and Christmas present. I mean, it's just a day, but I'm nervous about it.

[cramx3]

Nice, go for it with the chocolate!

Going to meet a girl for the first time tonight from okcupid.  Not sure what to expect but we've been texting for a week now and she has a really good sense of humor, she actually makes me laugh which is awesome.  Judging by the pictures, she may end up being the cutest girl i've seen since I broke up with my fiance, but I will know for sure tonight (assuming she doesnt cancel).

[Prog Snob]

Good luck!   You're in NJ. I wonder if I've seen this girl's profile before.