Scenes From A Hat v. Rising from the Ashes

[TheSilentHam]

Yeah we we're late because she blew a tranny in Charlotte

[gmillerdrake]

She looks great on the surface but when you get under the hood it's nothing but random leaks and rough rides

[jingle.boy]

<awaits re-use of the corn-holed Corolla, though Coz has license on it>

She sure can haul ass.

I really wanted the compact, but ended up settling on the full-sized.

Sure the monthly payments are thru the roof - it's a good thing that my dad, brother and both sisters can make good use of her.

At her age, when the top is down, it's actually quite embarrassing.

I put her away in storage for the winter, and never take her out in bad weather.

It's a little tight in the back, but most of my buddies aren't that big anyway.

[Podaar]

Well, it worked for me before, so:

Last winter, three Mexicans in a Toyota cornholed her on the interstate and barely left a mark.

[Podaar]

I just bought her.

She's only five years old.

She may be old but she's made a lot of money for me. I almost hate to trade her in for a newer one.

I've had to eat a lot of Top Ramen to be able to afford her.

I hate that I chose black. I just can't keep her clean!

Don't laugh, Buddy. That sucker's turbocharged.

It's not the years that wore her down. It's the mileage.

[gmillerdrake]

Once she gets to top speed....she gets real shaky and makes all sorts of crazy noises....then BOOM.....fluid everywhere....

[gmillerdrake]

Sure, she has a stick which can be a surprise but once you play with it for a little bit it actually is quite fun.

[jingle.boy]

Well, it worked for me before, so:

Last winter, three Mexicans in a Toyota cornholed her on the interstate and barely left a mark.

Son-of-a... I coulda swore it was Coz that dropped that one - I got mixed up because it was his topic.   

BTW, best 'scene' ever.  Ever.


Oh that? Don't worry, it makes those noises every once and a while.  It's not the sound that catches you off guard ... it's the smell.

[Podaar]

Well, it worked for me before, so:

Last winter, three Mexicans in a Toyota cornholed her on the interstate and barely left a mark.

Son-of-a... I coulda swore it was Coz that dropped that one - I got mixed up because it was his topic.   

That's kinda what I figured. No worries.

[jingle.boy]

When she starts making any kind of noise, I just turn the radio up so I don't have to hear it.

[soupytwist]

To be honest I prefer riding my bike thesedays.

I call her Carlett Johansson.

My Dad got me her for my 18th birthday.

Ah shit, locked my keys inside her again.

Think its time for a wax.

[Snow Dog]

At her age, when the top is down, it's actually quite embarrassing.

Some really good ones this round, but one got me good. You're up, jingle!

[jingle.boy]

STANDINGS

jingle.boy   38
gmillerdrake   35
lonestar   25
kingshmegland   16
Tempusvox   14
Sir GuitarCozmo   11
Podaar   11
BlobVanDam   8
El Barto   7
masterthes   6
Zydar   6
TheLordOfTheStrings   5
MetalJunkie   5
Jonnybaxy   4
LeeHarveyKennedy   4
DebraKadabra   3
JayOctavarium   3
Master Cup-Zula   3
millahh   3
Mister Gold   3
Prog Snob   3
Scorpion   3
Jarlaxle 3
TAC 2
984759827   2
bout to crash   2
contest_sanity   2
Cool Chris   2
FlyingBIZKIT   2
Jaffa   2
robwebster   2
Ruba   2
TheSilentHam   2
Cedar-redaC   1
chknptpie   1
der Ruhige Schinken   1
Fiery Winds   1
FlyingBIZKIT   1
Ħ   1
Jamesman   1
Lolzeez   1
Lucien   1
Pols Voice   1
Ravenheart   1
soundgarden   1
Super Star Wars   1
Snow Dog 1

Today's Scene:

You're an HR Manager.  Finish the one sentence return letter "Thank you for submitting your application, however .... "

[Podaar]

"...we must reject hiring you because you give us the creeps, you gender confused, racially ambiguous, fucking retard."

[gmillerdrake]

"Says here you're Canadian.....and we just 'do' Canadian"

[Snow Dog]

"...we must reject hiring you because you give us the creeps, you gender confused, racially ambiguous, fucking retard."

Signed,

The White House

[vtgrad]

"we will not be able, or willing, to publish your editorial poetry at this time.  The staffing members that reviewed your tripe are seriously considering legal action against you and your word processor for wasting our time.  "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at THESE" is not considered poetry, nor is "My heart fills with sorrow, like the height of Kilimanjaro."

Sincerely considering legal action or suicide,

The Wall Street Journal

[TempusVox]

"...we will not be considering you now, or in the future, for any position with our firm. Considering the extraordinary number of applications we receive each day, we typically do not respond with rejection letters of this kind. However, in your case we decided to make an exception. A couple of points that we feel may help you in the future when trying to seek gainful employment are noted as follows:

1. We do not consider Amazon feedback to be a reliable example of "critical thinking".
2. We do not now, or in the future expect to hire someone who can "make strawberry Quick for the entire office".
3. eBay feedback is not a relevant reference.
4. Likewise, "the people at DTF can vouch for me" shouldn't be considered either.
5. During the gaps of employment on your resume, it doesn't fool anyone when you say, "I was a secret spy, and am prevented by law of discussing this period in my life."
6. Your "DTF post count" is not considered an acceptable measureable accomplishment.
7. On our application when we ask "What are you most proud of?" we are actually referencing career accomplishments. "My dick girth", is not an acceptable answer on so many levels.

We wish you the best in all of your future endeavors and suggest that perhaps a job at Subway, or maybe even an enlistment in the French Foreign Legion might prove to be a better fit for you.

Regards, HR"

[Snow Dog]

"...even we here at Brazzers have a reputation to uphold, and thus, will not be hiring you, as nobody fantasizes about a Donald Trump/Rosie O'Donnell scene as you suggest."

[soupytwist]

Thank you for submitting your application, however ....Zack, we here at DC Comics would like to try and make a good movie this time.
--
Thank you for submitting your application, however ....we feel that to be a Ms World Judge "My Dick" is not a suitable answer to "What do you look for in the models".
--
Thank you for submitting your application, however ....after very briefly glancing at a one of the pictures you included, I feel you aren't playmate material.
PS Apologies for the vomit stain, I accidentally glanced again.
--
Thank you for submitting your application, however ....being pig ugly is not a proper mutation and more likely caused by bad genes, so sadly we will have to reject your application for becoming an X-Men.
Your Sincerely,
Professor Charles Xavier
--

[jingle.boy]

4. Likewise, "the people at DTF can vouch for me" shouldn't be considered either.
6. Your "DTF post count" is not considered an acceptable measureable accomplishment.

I beg to differ.  However, your 7-for-1 submission takes it.

[RoeDent]

"...we will not be considering you now, or in the future, for any position with our firm. Considering the extraordinary number of applications we receive each day, we typically do not respond with rejection letters of this kind. However, in your case we decided to make an exception. A couple of points that we feel may help you in the future when trying to seek gainful employment are noted as follows:

1. We do not consider Amazon feedback to be a reliable example of "critical thinking".
2. We do not now, or in the future expect to hire someone who can "make strawberry Quick for the entire office".
3. eBay feedback is not a relevant reference.
4. Likewise, "the people at DTF can vouch for me" shouldn't be considered either.
5. During the gaps of employment on your resume, it doesn't fool anyone when you say, "I was a secret spy, and am prevented by law of discussing this period in my life."
6. Your "DTF post count" is not considered an acceptable measureable accomplishment.
7. On our application when we ask "What are you most proud of?" we are actually referencing career accomplishments. "My dick girth", is not an acceptable answer on so many levels.

We wish you the best in all of your future endeavors and suggest that perhaps a job at Subway, or maybe even an enlistment in the French Foreign Legion might prove to be a better fit for you.

Regards, HR"

Yep. This wins. This wins everything.

[TempusVox]

Wow! Muchos gracias...and sorry for the delay...

STANDINGS

jingle.boy   38
gmillerdrake   35
lonestar   25
kingshmegland   16
Tempusvox   15
Sir GuitarCozmo   11
Podaar   11
BlobVanDam   8
El Barto   7
masterthes   6
Zydar   6
TheLordOfTheStrings   5
MetalJunkie   5
Jonnybaxy   4
LeeHarveyKennedy   4
DebraKadabra   3
JayOctavarium   3
Master Cup-Zula   3
millahh   3
Mister Gold   3
Prog Snob   3
Scorpion   3
Jarlaxle 3
TAC 2
984759827   2
bout to crash   2
contest_sanity   2
Cool Chris   2
FlyingBIZKIT   2
Jaffa   2
robwebster   2
Ruba   2
TheSilentHam   2
Cedar-redaC   1
chknptpie   1
der Ruhige Schinken   1
Fiery Winds   1
FlyingBIZKIT   1
Ħ   1
Jamesman   1
Lolzeez   1
Lucien   1
Pols Voice   1
Ravenheart   1
soundgarden   1
Super Star Wars   1
Snow Dog 1

Today's Scene:

Bad first drafts of famous movie lines

[Snow Dog]

"Frankly, you wretched, soulless cunt, I give precisely zero fucks..."

"We'll always have Sheboygan."

[jingle.boy]

Luke... who's your daddy?

Mama always said life is like a box of liquorice - no one likes black

Jesus Christ, what's that smell?  Napalm??  We gotta wake up to fucking napalm?

And Ryan, careful what you shoot at - there are nuclear fucking warheads in there!

[soupytwist]

I think we will require a larger ocean going vessel.

You've Got To Ask Yourself One Question: 'Do I Feel lucky?' Well, Do Ya, Ruffian?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a Jean-Claude.

I'm KING of the Wooooooooooorlddddddd   *SPLASH

[RoeDent]

"GOOOOOOD MORNING LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLLLANTISILIOGOGOGOOOOOOOCH!!!"

[masterthes]

I'm going to make him an offer he probably will refuse

[gmillerdrake]

You want the truth? You could probably handle the truth with a detailed five minute conversation.

[jingle.boy]

Toto, where the fuck are we?

That's not a fake orgasm; This is a fake orgasm....

[Podaar]

"ENGLISH, DOO-DOO HEAD, DO YOU SPEAK IT!"

[jingle.boy]

You... complete me.  Now how 'bout completing a blowie for once?

It's not a tumor you little shit.

[jingle.boy]

Bitch, put the fuckin lotion on before I hose you down again like Rosa Parks gettin off a bus.

[TAC]

You want the truth? You could probably handle the truth with a detailed five minute conversation.

Did you order the Code Pink?

[gmillerdrake]

Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Hominoidea!